Family disputes are not only something completely normal, but they are even necessary. That is why it is so important to know how to act before a family discussion, so that all members can express themselves and thus reach an agreement that favors everyone equally., an NGO dedicated to training and assistance programs related to the family, gives us a series of tips to resolve a family conflict.
1. Be prepared
“To resolve a conflict it is necessary to negotiate. In addition, it must be clear that the problems do not have a single solution and that the only possible solution does not have to be ours, ”says the AFA technician. Thus, different alternatives are presented to choose the most appropriate solution between the parties.
2. Manage emotions
Even if you have thought about what is going to be done or said in the face of a conflict, when the time comes, emotions can overcome the person. Managing emotions, this self-control is transmitted to the rest of the family members. “Thus, communication is much easier, learn to listen and be flexible and finish, if possible, with clear agreements. Emotional education begins at home and is a basic tool to confront a family discussion with peace of mind, ”says the teacher.
3. Think about how we will solve it
A messy room, walking the dog, setting or removing the table, what is seen on television and other reasons, are common causes of a family quarrel. “You have to think before emotions come into play, how are we going to solve it. If it is not clear what needs to be done and it has not been explained what consequences it will have, it is difficult for it to be well resolved, ”says de la Torre. It is important to have previously negotiated with family members a series of guidelines that will help resolve the conflict without shouting.
4. I win-you win / I lose-you lose
“If it is not clear that the two parties involved will have to win and lose in equal measure, there will be fringes, resentments or reproaches,” explains the expert. It must be clear that there is only one way to resolve conflicts: positively. For this reason, identifying common interests helps to find a solution that benefits the parties involved.
5. Take the positive side
We must be able to see a conflict as a tool and opportunity to improve relations between family members, since “it is convenient not to stop resolving any conflict. Of course, in the right way, in a positive way, ”according to de la Torre. That no conflicts are observed is not a symptom of a tight or balanced family. In fact, the expert points out that “it can indicate a fundamental problem related to poor family communication, causing some members to avoid talking about saving discussions and delaying the resolution of the problem.”